In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do it.

9 April 2022 IELTS IN EASY STEPS Writing 0

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One of the technological advancement that bought convenience

in

 

Change preposition
to

 

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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peoples

life

 

Replace the word
lives

 

The word life doesn_t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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is the internet. The

world wide

 

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worldwide

 

The word world wide seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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web made people closer together.

However

, it

also

allowed opportunities for

security

 

Add an article
a security
the security

 

The noun phrase security breach seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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breach. In my opinion,

this

advancement provided more benefit to human beings than endanger them.

One might think that enforcement of mandatory community service by youths during their free hours will be beneficial to them and the community. I highly disagree with

this

opinion, because teenagers have the right to choose which skill they want to progress in their free time.

In addition

to that, community development is the responsibility of the government.

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